mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
