i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
