At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
