third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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