Your dad touched me again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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