I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
