Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
