mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
God, I missed his penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
