Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
