on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
