Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
