If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
