Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
