I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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