Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
