I cockslap morals
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
