We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
