Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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