we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
