hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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