And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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