Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
