We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
