Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I cannot find my penis.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
