Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
