I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
