Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
