Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
