Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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