you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
