I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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