I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
