now i know why i became what i already was.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
