WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
