make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
