She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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