Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
