i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
