i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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