At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
