OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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