he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
