in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
