im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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