my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
