i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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