i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
