i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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