i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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