I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
