I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
