New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
